Eff.

Someone take me to good weather, puh-lease!!! Yesterday walking to work, WAIT - I mean walking to the subway that takes me to the train that takes me to the escalator that 1/8th of the time is broken (it actually went backwards last month) so I have to walk up 1100 stairs and somehow am dying more than the older people with briefcases and blackberries to get to my office - ANYWAYS, I got distracted. So yesterday I was walking to the subway and I saw this dirty little newspaper laying in the dirty little street in the East Village where I live and I saw it lift up like Mary Poppins style so I was in my head like, *fuck, that better not fucking touch me* so in slow motion I balance all my shit (laptop, bag for grad school, snacks, handbag, phone, headphones, keys, etc) and I try and move but it's actually winding (like when the air blows, I meant to use the word that way) up to 30mph, which I confirmed once I got out from underground 35 minutes later, and ANYWAYS, the newspaper, which I can only imagine what kind of "matter" (shit matter) it is ridden with - wraps itself around the calf to ankle portion of my skinny jean so I try and karate chop it off, and at this point I don't even care if I karate chop a human because I'm so irritated by the conditions - and literally like 30 seconds later some other shit gets blown on me, and this time it's not paper. OY, I say. So between 1.5 avenues I contemplate my life, and what it would be like if I lived in Newport Beach, California - which is actually heaven on earth. And I picture myself. I'd be clean. I'd be tan. I'd be blonder than I've ever been. I'd have abs (I added that). I'd be shiny - not from sweat because it's so dry there, but from the ocean that I would have just hopped out of right outside my quaint little house with streets that I would only navigate by bike. I'd have a bathing suit on under something jean. I wouldn't need anything but tinted moisturizer because I'd want my bronzed cheeks to be free. And most importantly, I bet I'd be smiling.

And the thoughts continued. About my life. All between like 8:55 and 9:03am. (You might be wondering, "aren't you late for work?" Yep! Also part of the reason I was irritated that I was dodging wind garbage. So then I kept thinking. Why am I here? What is my end goal? Is it worth it? Is it about the end, or now? Is what I am learning better than what I'd learn elsewhere? Maybe. Am I making more money here? Yes, kinda. Do I save any money? Nope. What AM I DOING!?!? Would I want to leave and move to cali or somewhere else? Not today. So I left my own self wondering, WHAT the fuck!? I've never been to a place that I can love and hate so much before. And all my friends seem to agree. So anyways, that was my morning. It's been a while since I've written or looked at sunny little pictures, so it seems that my lack of creative outlets coupled with this winter hurricane weather is not the best environment for me. So I will at least try to change what I can. 

And obviously the pic below is me. IF and WHEN I live in Newport Beach.
(I need to re-add the pic later. Something effed up with it. Check back - it's a good one.)